Distillation 1 : First Date.

Arrives eventually. Sorry I'm late - spent last night on a boat and by the way, not had a chance to wash, but got heaps of deodorant so should smell okay. Respond with a joke about numb arse from sitting on stone steps for this long, add cheesy smile for emphasis. Smiles back at me. Nice smile, nice face. Nice everything so far. Hope she likes me. Breakfast in this part of the city? On a Sunday? Tough call in this area and anyway, isn't it technically elevenses by now? House of Lords grounds will have to do. No thanks, you can keep your juice and yoghurt coated biscuit. I'm okay with my Marlboro for now. Not really a breakfast man, let alone an elevenses man. Back to the plan and back to The Tate. In we go. Pop Art here, Op Art there. Is there a difference? Apparently so if you know about art. Silly me. Gets up right close to the pictures, gets her face right into them and sees stuff I don't for much longer than I would. Memo to self: probably unwise to refer to them as squiggle pictures. Handy places for first dates, these galleries - plenty of opportunities to check someone out from behind as they look at the paintings. Talking easily now, nerves long gone. A smile here, a smile there. Still nice smile. Still nice everything so far. Hope she likes me.

Cheers Tate, thanks for the memories. Deep down into the bowels of the city. On the Victoria, off the Piccadilly, up the escalator and it's hello sunshine and hello Leicester Square. Drink or two? Sounds good. Text your brother? Wouldn't want him worrying. Lunch? Little hand's on the three but sure - if breakfast can be elevenses then we can just call lunch threeses and be done with it. Morroccan chicken for the lady please. I'll have something that makes me look cosmopolitan and worldly rather than the cheese and bacon burger I really want to order. Hope she's worth the sacrifice. Hope she likes me. Mustn't talk with food in mouth. Munch, sip, converse. Munch, sip, converse. Plate emptied. Place knife and fork together and relax. Split the bill in half? Oh alright then.

Trafalgar Square? Five minutes tops – cross a few roads and you're there. Just got to wait for the little green man and outofinterestwouldyoucallyourselfatactileperson? That's code for can I hold your hand in case you wondered. Okay, just so we’re clear was that technically a shriek or a laugh - and what sort of an answer is what do you think? Seeing as you're putting me on the spot, I'd say maybe you are a tactile person? Great - hand please. What? Oh - yes the green man means we should walk. Thanks for the reminder - got kind of distracted for a second or two there. So anyway, here we are. Fountains and a big lion statue and still a fair few pigeons but nowhere near as many as there used to be and...... yes - seeing as you asked, I would like to kiss you now, yes. Not that hand holding wasn't good but this kissing thing sounds good too, maybe even better than hand holding. Very better as it turns out. Drawing a few glances from passers-by now and this must be how it feels to be an Italian tourist. Does this count as one long kiss or several in quick succession? Probably doesn't matter really. Pretty certain she likes me.